Lately I have been sturuggling with my views on life.  Not my outward world views but my personal feelings about myself and my place in this crazy topsy turny place we call life.  It has been a difficult time for me and I am trying to plow through my thoughts and feelings about the direction of my life.  Am I having an existential crisis?  To be honest, I am not sure.  I don't feel like I am having a crisis of identity...more like a disagreement with myself about my place of worth in my world and how I relate to those around me.  I have taken to questioning my thoughts and motives.  I have this running internal dialogue about my actions or probably more accurately, my inactions.  I have deep feelings of shame about any inaction in my life.  I get mad at myself - "Suck it up!  Get through it .  There are people in this world with real problems"  But the thing is, to me, these problems are real.  It is a real delimma of conscience and accountability.  If I have to self police, I find myself erring on the side of inactivity.  Just put if off and block it out to deal with tomorrow.  But tomorrow tends to bring the same cycle of inaction.  And it is frustrating.  I feel as if I sabotage myself.  I do not believe, for some unfounded reason, that I am worthy of success.  And that, perhaps, is the most troubling part of my delimma.  I find myself feeling as though I am a whiner and weakling.  There is no NEED for any of this.  It is an attempt to full fill a self imposed view that has no merit, no founding.  As I work on a resolution to this I will be here more.  And unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for my self, I will try to work out these internal arguments on this page.  Since I know that no one reads this I find it to be a good and safe place to knock out the mental blocks I have forced apon myself.  If you do come across this page, please be patient and understanding of the self indulgent nature off my posts as I hope they will lead to a better understanding of my mind and my feelings.  Thank you in advance :)